ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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