Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
