Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You're like the curious george of whores
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
