She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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