I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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