I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
