I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
