I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
