i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
