I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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