If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
