I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
