Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
