so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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