the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
