what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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