If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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