Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
