I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
