ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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