Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
