I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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