Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
