Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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