I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
