she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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