im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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