Im at strip club and am horny
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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