Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Please don't give away my fajitas
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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