Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
