the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
