I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
