so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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