oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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