Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
