We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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