fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
