and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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