Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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