I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
