I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
