I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
