I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
