I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
