I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
