So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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