i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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