Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
