she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
