Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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