Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
They have beer where we have blood.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
