Pappa wants mamma naked
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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