You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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