ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
