he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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